Surrender: What? You get more when you give up?

Most standers will tell you that you need to give your marriage, spouse, and family over to God, to surrender it all to Him, in order to be strong enough to persevere in your stand.  Giving it all over to God can mean different things to different people since we are all experiencing different circumstances.  But I think it universally means to stop trying to control the outcome of the mess that’s swirling around you; stop trying to manipulate situations where you think you can do something to change their minds; stop quoting to them scriptures or trying to make them feel guilty; basically, to refrain from trying to help God work out your marriage problems.

This is easier said than done.  As humans we feel like we can fix problems.  We feel like we have enough knowledge about our lives, family, children, and spouses that we know what to do to bring about a lasting change.  That might work with simple problems, but the breakdown of a marriage is not a simple problem.  There is so much more going on with this kind of problem that only divine intervention will bring about a Godly, lasting change. 

So, you “give it all to God” to deal with.  You still intercede for help for our spouses by prayer and fasting, but you stop trying to fix it yourself.  One way to get to surrender is to look at yourself first.  Confession of your own sins and awareness of your own faults will change your focus.  A focus that you will now have on changing your own relationship with God, and getting closer to God - because He is God and NOT because of what he can do for you. 

This surrender can be a long process and it takes effort on your part but it is so very much worth it for you not only get a closer relationship with our Creator, but like the Loving Father He is, He gives you more than you ask for. 

I have made a list of what I have experienced after complete surrender of my marriage to God:

1.     Peace beyond all understanding – this brings with it sleep-filled nights as opposed to constant tossing and turning.  The fears and anxieties of separation and divorce leave your mind. 

2.     Forgiveness – you are able to forgive your spouse, in a Godly sense.  When God forgives you He never remembers your sin again.  You forget the past deeds against you.  Your bitterness toward your spouse ends.

3.     Control over your own emotions – no longer have emotional outbursts over what your spouse did or is doing.  Control over your words (“zipping your lips”).

4.     Strength – becoming stronger in Christ, becoming an example of reliability and strength.  You still care about your spouse but are no longer affected by negative things they do or say. The ability to stop begging, pleading, crying to get them to come home.

5.      Steadfast – no longer entertaining thoughts of giving up on your spouse; and words from others advising you “to move on” ,or  “you can do better”, or “you don’t deserve this treatment” have NO effect.

6.     Discernment – the ability to quickly determine the lies of the enemy from the truth.  Seeing your spouse the way God sees them.

7.     The “Time Element” – the ability to ignore the passage of time and how long it may take to restore the marriage.  This is a huge blessing that God gave.

8.     God is “your world” – your focus changes from your spouse to God.  You long for and gain a deeper desire to spend time with Him and in His Word.  You enjoy this time with Him – it is not a chore.

9.     Other areas of your “world” change – you become an encouragement to others; your “default” reactions become Godly, instead of “worldly”.

I still pray for my wife, for my marriage and all marriages to be restored in God’s time, but it is no longer my main focus.  I have become more led by the Spirit and have received His many blessings in my journey.  It is often said that those following Christ will be looked at as “strange”, and standing for God to fix your marriage is no different.  Surrendering to Him is a key aspect of it all.  How many “wordly” people would agree that you get more by surrendering?  So it may sound strange to the world, but they will see the blessings you receive.

Be blessed.