Lonely Times Away from Our Spouse - A Gift?

Oh when we are apart from our spouse the times can be very difficult.  Yes, we have our job, and possibly children and other responsibilities to occupy us.  But the thoughts of our spouse and family are never far away.  But then there are the times when we are really alone, just by ourselves.  Maybe it is the weekend and you are not working, or if you are dividing the children’s time with your spouse, maybe it is a time when they are with your spouse.  I have found that those are the most difficult times.  It is easy to see how one could become depressed. 

I have found that these times can be …

-         Lonely

-         Painful

-         Endless

-         Frightening

-         Frustrating

But you need to get rid of these worldly feelings.  These feelings can take over your entire day or existence.  You sit and think about how things are and wonder constantly how things could have gone so wrong.  Then, before you know it, the day is gone and you’ve just been consumed with these thoughts and feelings.  And, nothing has changed.  All of your circumstances are the same.  And you still feel horrible.

There is a better way.  You can remember that you have been given a difficult and very important assignment from God.  An assignment to fight for your spouse and marriage in the spiritual realm.  This is probably the first time you ever had to do anything like this.  I believe that the sooner you can transition into a spiritual mindset, and release yourself from drowning in the worldly feelings, the sooner you can really work on this assignment from God.

Instead of focusing on those worldly feelings, I try to shift to my focus to make these alone times…

·      Prayerful – prayer is so important.  It is our time to fellowship with Our Creator.  The scriptures instruct us to always pray and to have faith that our prayers are heard.

Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man. Luke 21: 36(NKJV)

And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and [really] believing, you will receive. Matthew 21: 22

Be earnest and unwearied and steadfast in your prayer [life], being [both] alert and intent in [your praying] with thanksgiving. Colossians 4: 2

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. Philippians 4: 6

The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer. Psalm 6: 9

·       Enlightening – gaining knowledge of God’s Word and becoming educated in the scriptures assists us in our assignment.  It starts, and ends, with regular study and reading of God’s Word and seeking Godly wisdom.

For the Lord gives skillful and godly Wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6

If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him. James 1: 5

With the aged [you say] is wisdom, and with length of days comes understanding. But [only] with [God] are [perfect] wisdom and might; He [alone] has [true] counsel and understanding. Job 12: 12-13

He who leans on, trusts in, and is confident of his own mind and heart is a [self-confident] fool, but he who walks in skillful and godly Wisdom shall be delivered. Proverbs 28: 26

Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. Proverbs 4: 7(NKJV)

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments (His decisions)! And how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways (His methods, His paths)! Romans 11: 33

·       Peaceful – Yes, these times can be peaceful and through Our Lord you can extinguish the worry and anxieties.  His Word tells us that we should not worry for that feeling is not from Him.  Trust in God brings peace.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. (John 14:27)

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me (Jesus). (John 14:1)

And my God will supply all your needs according to His Riches in Glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

·        Spirit-filled – being filled with the Holy Spirit is not something that is just for a select few, it is for all believers.  No conditions are placed upon this gift except faith in Christ.  Become filled with God’s Spirit through strengthening your faith.  Strengthen your faith is part of our assignment.

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. "  John 7: 37-39

In Him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in Him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of His glory. Ephesians 1:13-14

Yes the times we are alone are difficult.  But I believe, if you focus on the “unseen” you can see these times as a very special gift - a gift to help us become prayerful, educated in Godly wisdom, to experience God’s peace, and to become filled with God’s Spirit.  So maybe we should be thankful for these times when we are alone. Maybe it’s just part of our assignment.

Providing For, and Protecting, Your Wife and Family

Today I was thinking about how, as the man of the house, we are charged with protecting our family.  It is our God-given duty to provide for our families as well. "But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8

If you are separated or divorced, it is hard to do that “protecting” and “providing”.  How can we protect a wife we are not around?  How can we provide for a wife we do not have communication with? 

Start with prayer.  Pray to God asking how you can accomplish these duties in your circumstances.  Ask Our Lord to provide opportunities to you which will allow you to protect and provide for your wife and family.  

Pray more.  There are some very good scriptures about “protecting” in the Bible.  I would first suggest Ephesians 6:13-17: Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Here is an example of praying Ephesians 6 for your wife and family:

Heavenly Father, Your warrior prepares for battle along with my wife and children. Today my wife claims victory over Satan by putting on the whole armor of God!  She puts on the Belt of Truth.  May she stand firm in the truth of your Word so she will not be a victim of Satan’s lies.  My wife puts on the Breastplate of Righteousness.  May it guard my wife’s heart from evil so she will remain pure and holy, protected under the blood of Jesus Christ.  My wife puts on the Sandals of Peace.  May she go out and proclaim the good news of the Gospel so your peace will shine through her and be a light to all she encounters.  My wife takes the Shield of Faith.  May she be ready to deflect Satan’s fiery darts of doubt, denial and deceit so she will not be vulnerable to spiritual defeat.  My wife puts on the Helmet of Salvation.  May she keep her mind focused on you so Satan will not have a stronghold on her thoughts.  My wife takes the Sword of the Spirit.  May the two-edged sword of your Word be ready in her hands so she can use it to take authority over the Enemy.  By faith, my wife, your warrior, has put on the whole armor of God.  My wife is prepared to live this day in spiritual victory.

This armor is “spiritual armor”.  Pray every day that God’s armor be placed over yourself and your wife and children.  Meditate on Ephesians 6 and really get to know it.  This armor is for protection – you are placing a spiritual protection on your wife and family.  This is your duty.

Pray even more.  I suggest that you read the Book of Hosea.  Hosea was a man who married Gomer, the daughter of a prostitute.  Gomer was unfaithful to Hosea and she ends up being offered for sale as a slave.  Hosea buys Gomer and nurses her back to health.  While Gomer is still away from Hosea and chasing after her lovers, God says that He will put a HEDGE around Gomer. "Therefore, behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths. And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now" (Hosea 2:6-7). Remember that the hedge is to be a wall of protection from wrong outside influence. Gomer would not be able to fulfill her own ungodly purpose. She would follow after her lovers but would not be able to overtake them. She would seek after her lovers but not be able to find them.  God said that He would cause her to see that it was better with her husband than with anyone else.

Here is an example of praying a hedge of protection:

"Heavenly Father, I ask You in the name and through the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, to build a "hedge of thorns" around my wife. I pray that through this hedge, any other lover, ungodly friend, or anyone who speaks against our reconciliation, will lose interest in my wife and depart. I base this prayer on Your Word which commands that what You have joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6)

Praying in God’s will is something discussed in the previous post.  That same idea can carry through to the ideas here.  Praying for God’s help in how to protect and provide for your wife is, I believe, praying in God’s will, for those are our responsibilities as husbands. 

Praying "On the Same Page" with God

Wouldn’t it be encouraging to you if what you wanted with your marriage was what God wanted?  Wouldn’t it be nice to know that you and God were “on the same page” about your marriage?  Wouldn’t it be strengthening to you to hear God’s voice about all this?  Well, be encouraged, joyful, and strengthened.

God created marriage and He has spoken about it.  God first created Adam but saw that he needed a mate.

  

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”  Genesis 2:18  “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will cling to his wife: and they will be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

God created Eve to be Adam’s wife.  So since God created marriage, why would He want to see one destroyed?  He wouldn’t, so doing so is against His will.  In fact, Jesus spoke about this in the Gospel of Matthew.

“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel. “I hate the person who covers himself with violence,” says the LORD of Armies. “Be careful not to be unfaithful.” Malachi 2:16

Jesus confirmed His Father's words.

Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:4-6

These are powerful statements from God about marriage.  He “hates” divorce and wants marriages to thrive, not be dismantled. 

You probably have read these verses before so you likely know God’s position on marriage and divorce.  But with knowledge about how God feels about something brings power.  That power comes in the power of prayer.  Jesus taught us this when He prayed “Your will be done.” Matthew 6:10.  Jesus was teaching us to pray in God’s will.

Since we know God’s will about marriage (and divorce), we can be confident that when we pray for our marriages to be restored, we are praying in God’s will.  Just like Jesus taught us.  When we do, you and God are on the same page.  I believe it is that simple.

Be blessed.

Nehemiah - A Great Example

I recently read through the book of Nehemiah in the Old Testament.  The walls of Jerusalem had been broken down and the gates burned with fire. Nehemiah was the cupbearer to the King of Persia. A cupbearer was a trusted officer of the King's court. He was dependable and courageous. The King needed him.  When Nehemiah heard about the destruction upon Jerusalem he cried and fasted and prayed. 

“LORD, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, ⁶ let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel. I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father’s family, have committed against you. ⁷ We have acted very wickedly toward you. We have not obeyed the commands, decrees and laws you gave your servant Moses.
⁸ “Remember the instruction you gave your servant Moses, saying, ‘If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the nations, ⁹ but if you return to me and obey my commands, then even if your exiled people are at the farthest horizon, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place I have chosen as a dwelling for my Name.’
¹⁰ “They are your servants and your people, whom you redeemed by your great strength and your mighty hand. ¹¹ Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give your servant success today by granting him favor in the presence of this man.”  (Nehemiah 1:5-11)

  When Nehemiah heard of Jerusalem's walls of protection being destroyed, he asked the King if he could go to rebuild the fortifications to protect his beloved city.  The King allowed Nehemiah to leave and even protected him on his journey to Jerusalem.  When he arrived in Jerusalem and had inspected the walls, he told them he would help rebuild.

¹⁷ Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.” ¹⁸ I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me.
They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work.  (Nehemiah 2:17-19)

Now there were many out in the world who did not want to see Jerusalem rebuilt or protected.  They plotted against Nehemiah's success.  But the plots of the enemies were frustrated through prayer to God.  Nehemiah and the ones helping to rebuild worked with one hand and held onto their weapons with the other, just in case of an attack. (Nehemiah 4)

When I look at my situation, with the walls of my marriage detroyed and the gates burned down, I get comfort and confidence from the example of Nehemiah.  He asked for help and prayed and fasted.  I also see similarities in standing for marital restoration and in what Nehemiah faced with the enemies of Jerusalem.  Those enemies did not want to see the walls rebuilt.  But the work continued, with the workers building with one hand and being always prepared for battle by holding their weapons with the other.  Restoration of our marital walls can occur likewise through the rebuilding of our relationship with God while we hold onto His Word, ready for battle against the enemy.

In a miraculous fashion, the walls of Jerusalem were rebuilt in a period of 52 days.  Only through God's help could this happen.  And it happened because God wanted it to happen.  It was His will and he used his servant Nehemiah to make it happen.

Be like Nehemiah, a courageous, trusted, and dependable servant to Our Lord.  Follow his example of prayer and fasting.  Set out to do the work of God and make sure you are prepared for the battle with God's Word always at the ready.  Allow God to rebuild your marital walls in a miraculous fashion.

Hearts CAN be Softened

When you realized that your marriage was on the brink of failure, after you dealt with the disbelief that it could happen to you, I hope you began to pray. For me, I began praying that God would just stop this nonsense and put us back together. At this time I still harbored bitterness and anger that my wife was not relenting. It was then that I was lead to pray differently.

I learned that I needed to pray for God to begin to change me. I took inventory of my feelings and found that I needed to get rid of alot of unnecessary feelings. I prayed for patience, kindness, release of anger, and many other things. Over time, my heart softened. I was able to forgive. I was able to stop looking at the negative circumstances. I was able to see the many blessings that Our Lord was showering down on me, my wife, my marriage, and my kids. My heart had softened.

Over time, my dealings with my wife began to improve. We were not arguing, we were both starting to give in more, we even began to laugh about things when we would see eachother and talk. Her heart had softened.

This happened through prayer. Our God is more powerful than any problem, any circumstance, any lie the evil one can throw our way. Our God can soften hearts, for it is written:

“‘ I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws....Then the nations around you that remain will know that I the LORD have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.’” Ezekiel 36:25-27, 36

Pray for God to soften your heart first. Then pray that He will soften your wife's heart.

Going to Jesus with Your Fears

Much of Jesus' message to mankind is "don't be afraid, for I am always with you."  Fears, anxieties, doubts are all things that I have had to deal with in my initial decision to listen to God's call to stand, as well as the everyday management of remaining in that stand.  But Jesus does not want us to fear.  He wants us to take it all to Him.

I would like to share an email devotional that I received that speaks to this issue.  It strengthened me today and I hope it will help you too.

Anxious Honesty
Jesus was inside the boat, sleeping with his head on a pillow. The followers went to him and woke him. They said, "Teacher, do you care about us? We will drown!"   Mark 4:38 (ERV)

KEY THOUGHT:
I am so thankful about the honest portrayal of Jesus' disciples. I can see myself in them and know that God uses people like me. Maybe you're not like most of us who sometimes panic when we feel overwhelmed.  Fortunately for us, the early followers of Jesus did have bouts with panic and fear just like we do. In their fear, they don't pretend to have everything under control. They don't puff out their chest with false bravado and act like they can handle the situation. Even though their honesty leads to a rebuke, it also leads to a miracle! Why?  Because they are willing to go honestly to their Savior with their fears. They have much to learn ... and he will teach them. They also have much to lose ... and he will protect them. What are you holding back in your conversation with the Savior? What has you panicked, afraid, or anxious that you have not fully shared with the Lord? Storms come and go, but only the Lord stands the test of time. Be real about your fears and anxieties and let Him care for you. Yes, He will challenge you to greater faith. But that's the point isn't it? That in our weakness he calls us to Himself and offers us grace.

TODAY'S PRAYER:
Father, I confess to you now the burdens of my heart, knowing that you
will hear them and do what is best for me. In Jesus name. Amen.

http://www.heartlight.org/wjd/


As husbands standing for their marriage, for their wives to open their hearts to Jesus, it is so important that we take the fears we have directly to Jesus.  We can not do this alone.  And only our God can help us.  Let Him.

When the Tidal Wave Comes, Turn to Our Lord to Keep You Afloat

Since my last entry, I have gone through another one of those rollercoaster rides that seem to regularly occur in the lives of us standing for the restoration of our marriage.  I described it as a “tidal wave” which put out the flame in my heart that was fueling my call to stand for my marriage.  I gave up.  I quit.  I’d had “enough”. And I was just going to “move on” with my life.

Yeah, right.  Not so fast.  Our Lord quickly intervened and put me back on track.  The very next day I received an email devotional that was titled:  “Have You Decided to Give Up on your Marriage?”  The email went into detail about how quitting should not even be an option for husbands.

My prayer friends lifted me up and gave me encouragement.  This is a testimony that husbands, though we like to do it all by ourselves, cannot do THIS alone.  We need to humble ourselves and ask for help.  Don’t try to go it alone.  First ask God for help.  He will lead you to your answers and to others who can assist you.  There are many others out there who have experienced the very same circumstances and emotions that you are going through right now.  Look around, pray, and ask for help.  You will be blessed.

Continue to immerse yourself, mind and spirit, in God’s Word, for those Words will heal you, give you knowledge, wisdom, patience, strength, and perseverance.  These are all necessities for the standing husband.

When the tidal wave came in on me, a dear friend offered me the following scripture:

“They will fear the name of the Lord from the west, and His shining-greatness from the rising of the sun. When the one who hates us comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a wall against him.” Isaiah 59:19

Yes, satan comes in like a flood (tidal wave?) and tries everything possible to deceive us into thinking that we would be better off and much happier if we just quit on our wives.  It is just another worn-out trick that the evil one uses on husbands to make the restoration look meaningless in our eyes.  But let's not forget about the One whose eyes see all - Our Lord.  He will help us. 

Let us call on the Holy Spirit to lift us up when the waters rise.  Stay afloat, for victory has already been attained.