And Then I Got a Late-Night Text...

Prayers get answered.  Don't let anyone or anything make you think otherwise.

Never ever doubt that your prayers are being heard and that Our God is working for those who love Him.   I have prayed for general changes in my marriage but the specific prayers are the ones I have found are the ones God answered.

I have prayed for God to work in me.  Those prayers started in November of 2010 right after my wife and I separated.  I knew "we" had problems, issues, etc., but I also found that I alone could not change the problems "we" had - Only God could do that.  So I began to work on my own heart and my relationship with God.

It wasn't easy.  I didn't like to not have control over things.  I always thought I was the one who could fix things, plan for things, prepare for anything, on my own, without God.  Then God showed me how wrong I was and how His way was so much better.

While I worked on myself, I also prayed for my wife.  I prayed about everything...but nothing happened.  Was I praying the "right way"?  Was what I wanted to happen in line with God's Word?  I was confused.  Why was there no visible change.  Then came surrender.

After all of 2011 went by and I continued to pray, I began to analyze my prayers.  I found that I was still planning the best way for things to happen, in my words and in my heart and thoughts.  It was then that I discovered that maybe I needed to just let God handle things.  Well, then my wife filed for divorce.  She said there was just no way she could try again and that she was through and it would be best for us all.  I struggled greatly during this time but continued to pray.  But my prayers had changed.

I was now praying for God's perfect will to be done in my family, in my life, and in the lives of our children.  I thanked God for His promises throughout the Bible.  I prayed that there would be peace between my wife and I.  I also stopped trying to manufacture time together with the kids and my wife.  I stopped asking her about "us" and our marriage.  I was as kind and generous as I could be, being careful not to overstep what God may have been doing and trying to just stay out of His way, so that He could work.

The divorce was proceeding and one night God made it clear to me that I would not be divorced.  I thought "OK, maybe not in Your eyes God, but it looks like it is going to happen".  We would appear in court 2 or 3 times during the divorce proceeding and each time a total peace came over me and I was reminded that "you will not be divorced".  In my eyes, and in the world's eyes, the divorce was going to happen.  The legal paperwork was being worked on and my wife and I were agreeing on most issues.  I didn't ask her to stop it or to think about what was going to happen afterwards, I didn't try to change things.  I simply prayed and thanked God for His promises and believed that all He has said was true and would come to be.

I also came to the point of total and complete surrender.  I surrendered my family, marriage, wife, kids, career...everything I could think of, all to God.  I asked Him to show me if there was anything else to surrender and prayed for wisdom and strength to be able to do it.  He helped me greatly during this time and I was shown more things I was hanging on to that had to be given up and left at the foot of the Cross.

We were now halfway into 2013 and the final hearing was scheduled for the divorce.  It would be in late August 2013.  I was resigned to the notion that if this is what had to happen, I would stay with God and rely on Him for all I needed. 

As I was continuing to pray for God's will, I prayed that my wife would contact me to ask about trying to work things out.  I had prayed this for about 6 months.

And then I got a late-night text....

On June 22, 2013 my wife sent me a text which simply said "Are you still praying to keep our family together?"  I responded "yep, and I'm not stopping".  The next morning another text asked "Are you going to church with the kids and can I come too?"  I responded "yes we are going and it would be great if you could come too".  She came and she was wearing her wedding band which I hadn't seen her wear in almost 2 years.  During the service she hugged me and kissed my cheek.  Something was REALLY different about her.  It was like a new life was born within her.  Her smile was brighter and she was more relaxed and joyful.  It was amazing!  And I thanked God for the blessings.

The next morning I got an email from my wife asking for my ideas about how we could mend our marriage and get to forgiveness.  She asked for my thoughts to be in writing.  So I wrote out what I believed to be the starting point, which all focused on God and putting Him and His word at the center of our marriage.  I was now feeling like things were actually happening in my marriage, right before my eyes...it was as if it was happening in someone else's life...

I never asked her about her texts, what she was thinking, etc
I never asked her what happened
I never brought up to her anything about it
I had surrendered it and it was all up to God
I stood on His words "Be still and know that I am God"  (Psalm 46:10)

Greatly Blessed!!

I have delayed in writing this post although I'm not really sure why.

My wife and I separated in November 2010.  I was devastated and so was she.  Together we had destroyed our marriage and it appeared that there was no turning back, no way to fix the mess.

I struggled greatly for months.  I didn't want to end our marriage but it looked like it was going to happen.  I looked everywhere in the secular world for help on rebuilding my marriage.  I found some "quick-fix" websites, some psychological "tricks", and some "legal threats".  All had "testimonies" attached with raving positive reviews.  They didn't sound right to me.  So I thought I was done.

The I turned the whole matter over to God.  I'd like to say that God immediately brought my wife home and reunited our family, but that didn't happen.  There were months and months of prayer.  There were days upon days of fasting.  There were endless, sleepless nights.  There was pain and suffering.  I hurt deeply, as I know my wife did.  Yet, nothing looked any different.  The divorce was still pending and the final court date was approaching.

I knew that God had a plan which was so far better than any I could come up with.  But I just didn't understand what it was.  That was when I "gave up" and laid myself, wife, kids, family, and marriage all at the foot of the cross.  My prayer was "God, I will pray for my wife and marriage to be rebuilt until I die.  If I must die without seeing the restoration, then so be it.  But I am laying it all at the foot of Jesus' cross and taking my hands off worrying about it.  I give it ALL to You, for You are God and I am not."

I wish I could say that God immediately changed things at this point.  But He did not.  But He had changed who I was, and He had changed what I was.  I was closer to Him than ever before.  I had come to a point of peace, beyond all understanding.

The final court date was approaching and the lawyers were gathering all the paperwork to split up what we had left.  I at this point had stopped thinking that God would stop the divorce, but never stopped believing that he would somehow rebuild our marriage.

Then, out of the blue, suddenly and unexpectedly, I received a late-night text from my wife.  All she asked was if I was still praying for our family to get back together.  Without thinking I wrote back, "Yes and I'm not stopping".  It was at that moment that I felt God telling me "Your prayers have been answered.  Now it is time to go to work."

So much has happened since that text in June of 2013.  All of what has happened has God's hands all over it.  He brought my wife and I back together with our children under one roof.  The divorce has been dismissed.  We are working on rebuilding our lives and marriage and family.  It is ALL from God and it is His blessing.  We will be celebrating our first Christmas together in three years!!!

This post isn't to give you a "plan" or "roadmap" of how to restore your marriage.  It is only to point you in the direction of Our Father to work in your life and marriage and to allow His plan to prevail.  It is also to encourage you to persevere, for I was once where you are today, hurting and praying for restoration.  My marriage is evidence that God can do anything if you will only allow Him.

I am praying for you and your marriage.

Be blessed.

Regrouping:  Scriptures to Encourage and Strengthen

Reading these scriptures often and doing your best to memorize will help you because they will encourage you in your stand for marriage restoration and be especially helpful when taking your thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ through the word of God:

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’ Matthew 19:4-6

But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. ‘For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,’ Says the LORD of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.’ Malachi 2:15-16 (NKJV)

He heals the Brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. Isaiah 61:1-3,7

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD. Proverbs 21:30

Simon Peter answered and said, ‘You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.’ Jesus answered and said to him, ‘Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. Matthew 16:16-18

No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me,’ declares the LORD. Isaiah 54:17

The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. Proverbs 21:1

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way? Proverbs 20:24

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. Galatians 5:6

What a man desires is unfailing love. Proverbs 19:22

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed’”not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence’”continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:12-13

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ John 8:31-32

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Psalm 119:114

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.’ Hebrews 10:38

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

‘And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.’ Matthew 21:22

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NKJV)

Then he touched their eyes and said, ‘According to your faith will it be done to you’; and their sight was restored. Jesus warned them sternly, ‘See that no one knows about this.’ Matthew 9:29-30

We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. Hebrews 6:12

I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:2-5

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

‘Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Behold, all those who were incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced; They shall be as nothing, And those who strive with you shall perish. You shall seek them and not find them–Those who contended with you. Those who war against you Shall be as nothing, As a nonexistent thing. For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ Isaiah 41:10-13

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36

And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. 1 John 3:22

He replied, ‘Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’ Matthew 17:20

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

For nothing is impossible with God.’ Luke 1:37

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt. Hosea 2:15 (NLT)

He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:27-28 (NASB)

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jeremiah 29:11 (AMP)

‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’ Psalm 46:10

To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. Proverbs 16:1

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10-11

And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives], and with [your own] weeping and crying out because the Lord does not regard your offering any more or accept it with favor at your hand. Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows]. Malachi 2:13-14 (AMP)

All Bible verses are from the New International Version 1984 unless otherwise indicated.

Regrouping:  A Necessary Exercise

I have been standing for my marriage for almost 3 years now.  During that time I have experienced times of "no contact", times of strife and arguing, times of anger and resentment and times of ... peace. 

In the last few months I have also experienced increased commuication, cooperation with my wife, greatly increased time together with my wife as a family, dinners together, outings together, and even some times of praising and worshipping Our Lord together with my wife in church, sitting right beside me.  After having these wonderful times though, there has followed a "pull-back" by my wife.  A distancing.  A coldness.  Certainly the "peace" I felt before feels long gone.

But it is possible to get it back.  The "peace" typically comes back after those bad times, after I recommit to standing and praying.  But it takes work to get to that point for me.  My usual practice is to go back to the basics and regroup.  Here is a prayer that puts all of the principles from scripture together to help with regrouping.  The following post will include all the scripture verses.


PRAYER FOR STANDING HUSBAND

Dear Lord, You know my heart is broken, that I have a troubled spirit, and a longing for Your comfort and the answers I seek during this time of despair. So I thank You for Your Word assuring me that from the very beginning, You created my marriage as a one flesh covenant relationship, saying that what You joined together, no man or woman should separate, and that You hate divorce.

And thank You for Your promise to heal my broken heart, and bind up my wounds, that You will comfort me as I mourn, and that You will bestow on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Thank You, Lord, that instead of shame or disgrace, I will rejoice in my inheritance, that I will inherit a double portion in my life, and that everlasting joy will be mine, as You restore my marriage, which Satan came to destroy. I thank You that in accordance with Your Word, I can approach Your throne of grace with confidence and receive mercy and grace to help me in my time of need.

Thank You for Your promise that all things are possible with You, Lord Jesus, and that You, and You alone, will give me peace that transcends all understanding. Thank You for the assurance that no wisdom, no insight and no plan can succeed against You. And thank You for having my wife’s heart in Your hand, and for directing her heart like a watercourse wherever You please. Thank You for assuring me that she can not plan or understand her own way because You are the one who determines and directs her steps.

Please teach me how to express my faith in love because Your Word tells us that unfailing love is what every man desires. And I ask You, Lord, to work in me to will and act according to Your good purpose, to make me the husband You want me to be. I believe You and I am Your disciple. I want to understand and live according to Your teachings because then I will know the truth and the truth will set me free. Thank You for Your Word, which is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. You are my refuge and my shield, so I put my hope in Your Word.

Since faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, please show me how to live by faith and not shrink back so You will be pleased with me because I know it’s impossible to please You without faith. And thank You for Your promise that whatever I ask for in prayer and believe, I will receive. Please teach me to walk by faith and not by sight because Jesus said that according to my faith it will be done to me. So, Lord, I ask You to please give me the faith and patience necessary to inherit all that You have promised.

Father, always remind me that I’m not to live by the standards of this world and that even though I live in the world, I can’t wage war as the world does. The weapons You give me to fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds and are mighty to demolish arguments and every pretension that set themselves up against the knowledge of You, my God, and the covenant of my marriage. So please help me take captive every thought and make it obedient to You, Christ Jesus. I will not be afraid, for You are with me. I will not be dismayed, for You are my God. Thank You for strengthening me. Thank You for helping me. Thank You for upholding me and the covenant of my marriage with Your righteous right hand. Thank You for making anyone who is incensed against me and the sanctity of my marriage as nothing; that anyone who contends with me or wars with me and comes to destroy or put asunder my marriage is as nothing, as a nonexistent thing, because You, the Lord, my God, hold my right hand and tell me to “Fear not, I will help you.”

Teach me to ALWAYS rest in the confidence I have in You because Your Word tells me that it will be richly rewarded. Help me persevere so that when I have done Your will, God, I will receive what You have promised. And help me keep Your commandments and do the things that are pleasing in Your sight so I can receive whatever I ask from You, including the restoration of my marriage.

I boldly ask for faith enabling me to speak to mountains and make them move, and the confidence and assurance that nothing is impossible. Thank You, Lord, that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me, and That with You, nothing is impossible, including living my life full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; even during this time of trouble, which Your Word assures me You will turn into a gateway of hope. And thank You that Your Spirit intercedes for me, Your saint, in accordance with Your will, and that You are working all things together for my good because I love You and am called according to Your purpose. I thank You and praise You, Lord, that Your thoughts and plans for me and my family are for our welfare and peace and not for evil, which give me hope in our final outcome. And I thank You, Lord, that I can be still and know that You are God and that You will be exalted in all the earth and in heaven and in the restoration of my marriage.

And thank You for the comfort of knowing that even though my wife may have other plans in her heart, from You comes the reply of the tongue, and that the Words that come out of Your mouth do not return to You empty; that they will accomplish what You desire and the purpose for which You sent them! And thank You for the assurance that You honor and uphold the covenant of our marriage that was made when You witnessed our marriage vows, and that YOU will defend it against the treachery of unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage.

For all this, I ask and give thanks in the most precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen.

Surrender: What? You get more when you give up?

Most standers will tell you that you need to give your marriage, spouse, and family over to God, to surrender it all to Him, in order to be strong enough to persevere in your stand.  Giving it all over to God can mean different things to different people since we are all experiencing different circumstances.  But I think it universally means to stop trying to control the outcome of the mess that’s swirling around you; stop trying to manipulate situations where you think you can do something to change their minds; stop quoting to them scriptures or trying to make them feel guilty; basically, to refrain from trying to help God work out your marriage problems.

This is easier said than done.  As humans we feel like we can fix problems.  We feel like we have enough knowledge about our lives, family, children, and spouses that we know what to do to bring about a lasting change.  That might work with simple problems, but the breakdown of a marriage is not a simple problem.  There is so much more going on with this kind of problem that only divine intervention will bring about a Godly, lasting change. 

So, you “give it all to God” to deal with.  You still intercede for help for our spouses by prayer and fasting, but you stop trying to fix it yourself.  One way to get to surrender is to look at yourself first.  Confession of your own sins and awareness of your own faults will change your focus.  A focus that you will now have on changing your own relationship with God, and getting closer to God - because He is God and NOT because of what he can do for you. 

This surrender can be a long process and it takes effort on your part but it is so very much worth it for you not only get a closer relationship with our Creator, but like the Loving Father He is, He gives you more than you ask for. 

I have made a list of what I have experienced after complete surrender of my marriage to God:

1.     Peace beyond all understanding – this brings with it sleep-filled nights as opposed to constant tossing and turning.  The fears and anxieties of separation and divorce leave your mind. 

2.     Forgiveness – you are able to forgive your spouse, in a Godly sense.  When God forgives you He never remembers your sin again.  You forget the past deeds against you.  Your bitterness toward your spouse ends.

3.     Control over your own emotions – no longer have emotional outbursts over what your spouse did or is doing.  Control over your words (“zipping your lips”).

4.     Strength – becoming stronger in Christ, becoming an example of reliability and strength.  You still care about your spouse but are no longer affected by negative things they do or say. The ability to stop begging, pleading, crying to get them to come home.

5.      Steadfast – no longer entertaining thoughts of giving up on your spouse; and words from others advising you “to move on” ,or  “you can do better”, or “you don’t deserve this treatment” have NO effect.

6.     Discernment – the ability to quickly determine the lies of the enemy from the truth.  Seeing your spouse the way God sees them.

7.     The “Time Element” – the ability to ignore the passage of time and how long it may take to restore the marriage.  This is a huge blessing that God gave.

8.     God is “your world” – your focus changes from your spouse to God.  You long for and gain a deeper desire to spend time with Him and in His Word.  You enjoy this time with Him – it is not a chore.

9.     Other areas of your “world” change – you become an encouragement to others; your “default” reactions become Godly, instead of “worldly”.

I still pray for my wife, for my marriage and all marriages to be restored in God’s time, but it is no longer my main focus.  I have become more led by the Spirit and have received His many blessings in my journey.  It is often said that those following Christ will be looked at as “strange”, and standing for God to fix your marriage is no different.  Surrendering to Him is a key aspect of it all.  How many “wordly” people would agree that you get more by surrendering?  So it may sound strange to the world, but they will see the blessings you receive.

Be blessed.

Standing in the Blazing Furnace (Daniel 3)

In Daniel 3 the Bible tells the story of three men,  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who would not worship as king Nebuchadnezzar ordered.  The king had ordered all members of his kingdom to worship a statue of gold at an appointed time and those who would not do so would be thrown into a blazing furnace.  But Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to follow the king's order.  The king was told of their refusal:

¹²"But there are some Jews whom you have set over the affairs of the province of Babylon—Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego—who pay no attention to you, Your Majesty. They neither serve your gods nor worship the image of gold you have set up.” Daniel 3:12

King Nebuchadnezzar was very upset when he was told this:

¹³Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king, ¹⁴ and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? ¹⁵ Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipe and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?”

¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

¹⁹ Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual ²⁰ and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. ²¹ So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. ²² The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, ²³ and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.  Daniel 3: 13-23

In our walk to stand in the gap for our spouses, going through a divorce or seemingly unending separation, it often feels like we have been thrown into a blazing furnace.  So many things are in turmoil in our lives and the lives of our family.  We suffer sadness, depression, loneliness, and heartache.  We suffer with financial issues and running a household alone.  We suffer from uncertainty, guilt, shame, and abandonment.  We feel as though we have been bound because we are powerless to stop a divorce from happening.  Yes, it is a blazing furnace of obstacles.  A furnace that has been heated 7 times hotter than when we were with our spouses.  One could be consumed by it all if one were to give in.

But lets look at what happened with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  
 
²⁴ Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?”
They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.”

²⁵ He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”  Daniel 3:24-25

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had put their faith in God.  They were not going to bow to the demands of the world over God.  They were willing to give their lives rather than give in to the suffering sure to come from the blazing furnace.  And the fourth person in the furnace, the Son of God, walked with them and protected them. 

The God we serve is able to deliver us too.  But even if He does not, we must not give in to what the world pushes on us, namely divorcing, moving on, stop praying for restoration or, stop praying for our spouses to return to the Lord.  This is part of our furnace, but the Son of God is with us as well.

A standers walk is not easy.  It is like being in the furnace.  But, like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, if we do not give up on God, we will also walk with God and be unharmed by it all.

Persevere though your furnace through faith in God and prayer.  The furnace of divorce or separation cannot harm you when the Son of God is with you. 

And do not forget, in the end God saved those who would not give in.

When God Seems Silent

There have been many times in my stand for my marriage that I have asked God to speak to me - to let me know that what I am doing is what he wants me to do; to let me know when this will end; to show me a sign that will tell me that progress is being made.  Sometimes I do get a response, either through His word, or sometimes through other outward signs like things I see, or in conversations with others.  But then there are other times when it is just silent.  Either I'm not getting it, or He isn't speaking just yet.  It is during those times when my stand has been most challenging.  I begin to wonder, "Is this really what my life's purpose is?", "Did I imagine that God gave me this task?", and so on.  It is difficult.  I have heard from others as well that this happens to them.  Of course it does.  We are humans.  We operate on earthly time, not on God's eternal time.  We long to see something, anything, to keep us going.  We get to the point where God's promise isn't enough anymore because we aren't used to not knowing when something will happen, or at least not being able to make something happen.  We were designed by God to be this way.  Maybe so that we can develope trust in Him and Him alone.

An example of a time when someone wasn't being answered by Jesus is found in Matthew 15: 21-28.  This is the story of the Canaanite Woman.  For historical background, at this time Jesus is turning His focus toward the Gentiles because the Jewish leaders were becoming more strongly opposed to Him.  John the Baptist had been beheaded.  Jesus fed the 5,000 (proving He could meet the needs of the Jews) and then walked on water (proving Himself once again to be Lord).

Jesus Meets the Canaanite Woman

²¹ Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. ²² A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to Him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.”

 

²³ Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to Him and urged Him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” ²⁴ He answered, “I was only sent to the lost sheep of Israel.”

 

²⁵ The woman came and knelt before Him. “Lord, help me!” she said. ²⁶ He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.” ²⁷ “Yes, Lord,” she said, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

 

²⁷ Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.
(Matthew 15: 21-28)

 

Jesus must have known He was going to come in contact with this woman.  But why go there just to ignore her?  Clearly this woman was not about to give up.  What a great example of perseverence.  Here was Jesus, whom she knew could give her the miracle she was asking, but He didn't answer her, at first.  Here was a Gentile who was convinced that Jesus was the Messiah.  The conventional wisdom at this time was that Jesus would not help Gentiles.  This woman pushed through that conventional wisdom for the sake of a healing for her daughter.  She went against what the world said to do.

 

Was Jesus' not responding to her test?  If so, this woman clearly passed because Jesus ended up responding to her and healing the woman's daughter.  Her great faith must have been refreshing to Jesus.  She was proclaiming her faith for all to see.  Jesus was initially silent, then He provided her miracle because of her faith and He acknowledges her great faith!

The conventional wisdom for those facing a divorce is to "move on".  Many do "move on" after initially standing.  In remaining to stand for the healing of your marriage and spouse, you are showing God your great faith, even when it seems like He isn't listening.  Show Him that you are like the Canaanite woman.  Push through the conventional wisdom that God doesn't heal marriages/spouses.  Push through the conventional wisdom that we should just move on.  Push through the conventional wisdom to find someone new, and better...  Push through the conventional wisdom even when it seems like God is silent.  Show Him your great faith.  He will answer.

Rejection and Disaster

Rejection and Disaster

 

I would like to share an email devotional that I received today from Heartlight.org:

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"Surely you have read this Scripture: 'The stone that the builders did not want became the cornerstone. The Lord did this, and it is wonderful to us.'" — mark 12:10-11 (ERV)

Key Thought:

Jesus finishes his story by quoting a Scripture from the Old Testament that will become one of his early followers' favorite passages. The point of the quotation is simple: God can turn things around and do great things with what looks like rejection and disaster. This is precisely what God does. God raised his Son Jesus from the dead and vindicated his life, his ministry, and his teachings. What begins horribly -- the Son being murdered and his body desecrated outside the city -- ends in something marvelous -- Jesus is raised and death is defeated. While we hate the rejection, the wounds, the humiliation and the death that Jesus endured, God has made this precious to us. It is marvelous grace.

Today's Prayer:

My Father in heaven, the only one adequate response that I can give to all that you have given to me through your Son is thank you! However, dear Lord, I want that thank you to be more than words; I want to say thank you with all of my being and show my appreciation with the way that I live. In Jesus' name. Amen.

From Heartlight.org 8/26/2012
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Yes, there is great evidence that God can take circumstances that appear to be disasters, great rejection, etc., and turn them around into great things.  Keep praying that He will do this for our spouses, our families, and our marriage.

Repentance and Humility of One

If you would ask around I would bet that most people would disagree with you on the notion that only one of two spouses can work to "save" a marriage. My guess is that all will say that "you need both husband and wife to want to reconcile for a marriage to be restored." As evidence they say, "look at all the divorces".  

Now, marriage is a relationship, a special one, but a relationship like a friendship, or sisterhood, or brotherhood. But at its root it is a relationship between two people. Add God to the mix and it becomes a blessed relationship.

The Bible story of Issac is a great relationship story.  Issac was the miracle baby of Abraham and Sarah.  Isaac was the one from whom would come the "many nations" God so promised.  He had two sons named Esau and Jacob, two very different men.  Esau was the older son and entitled by law and custom to his father's blessing.  When it became time to give his blessing, Jacob deceived Isaac into giving him (Jacob) his blessing. Esau was incensed and wanted to kill Jacob so Jacob ran. Their relationship was now severly damaged, if not destroyed. But then God got involved.

Jacob repented of his sin and humbled himself in front of God and Esau.  Their relationship was restored through the repentance and humility of one.

So why not a marriage?  Can not a marriage relationship follow the same path as Jacob and Esau's restoration?  God has no favorites. (Acts 10: 34-35) What He has done for one, He will do for anyone.  Marriage relationships can be restored through the repentance and humility of one spouse.  There is evidence that it can be so.  The evidence is in God's Word.  Can there be anything more credible?

Standing Husbands as "Instruments of Salvation"

I have been thinking about how Jacob must have felt when he was told that his favored-son Joseph had been killed by an animal.  How he was devastated by this terrible news.  He felt as though he could not go on living.  But we know that God had other plans to use Joseph mightily for His purposes.  Joseph didn't want this.  He faced terrible conditions and treatment - slavery and prison.  But he rose above all of it and later, as we know, he became a great and powerful instrument of salvation, used by God to benefit many.  

The following is a post I found online that speaks to this:

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There is a story about a man who was the sole survivor of a ship which sank at sea. He was able to make a small raft of some of the ship’s cargo and eventually drift to a desert island. There he constructed a make-shift shelter and lived on what little food he had been able to salvage from the wreckage. Time after time he had attempted unsuccessfully to attract the attention of a passing ship. Finally, he saw a ship approaching more closely and hurriedly set a signal fire ablaze. To his dismay, the ship passed by and was quickly fading from sight. Accidentally, sparks from the signal fire set the thatched roof of his shelter in flames, and the man watched hopelessly and helplessly as all of his provision burned to ashes.

All was lost, he reasoned, and life could not last much longer. Suddenly he noticed that the ship which had passed him by was turning around and approaching the island more closely than before. To his great relief, he was seen by the crew and rescued. Once on board, the grateful survivor went to the captain of the ship to express his thanks. “But what caused you to turn around after you had already passed by me?” he queried. “Why, we saw the signal fire you made by setting your shelter on fire,” the captain responded.

The very thing which seemed to seal the doom of this marooned man was the means of his delivery. What seemed to spell disaster for him became an instrument of his salvation. That is precisely the case with Joseph and Jacob in Genesis 37. A tragic and cruel event occurred which, to Jacob, brought his world to an end. Life was hardly worth living, he reasoned, because he had lost the one thing which meant the most to him. But in the end, the loss of Joseph for a period of years was the means God employed to save the nation from starvation and, worse yet, from a loss of purity by being absorbed into the culture and religion of the Canaanites.

The emotional intensity of the events of the life of Jacob and his sons is difficult for us to appreciate. We come to this 37th chapter of Genesis in much the same way as we would watch the video replay of a week-old football game. We know the outcome of the story. We know that Jacob was in error when he later cried out, “… all these things are against me” (Genesis 42:36). Only in the throes of crisis or tragedy can we fully appreciate what Jacob is experiencing in this chapter. 

**Taken from "Jacob, Joseph, Jealousy, and a Journey to Egypt (Genesis 36:1-37)" By Bob Deffinbaugh, from the series: "Genesis: From Paradise to Patriarchs".
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How can we relate all this to standing?  From my prespective, it is relatable to our journeys in many ways as we might just be in the position of both Jacob and Joseph, as well as the man on the island.  We are much like Jacob in that we have lost our wife, our love, our favorite person, initially left to be sorrowful and wondering if we can go on without them.  We mourn our loss and are initially devastated.  

We are also like Joseph as we have been put on a journey that none of us want to take.  It is uncomfortable, painful, seemingly endless.  Just when we feel like things may have improved, we are again thrown into our jail cell of circumstances.  But if we persevere, as Joseph did, maybe, just maybe, with prayer, shifts in attitude, confidence and trust in Our God, we can arise from it all.  Joseph rose to stardom, to great heights, and was used by God as His instrument to save.

It is my belief that part of my stand is to pray for my wife's salvation. I often think "if I don't pray for her, who will?" So I see myself as an instrument of salvation for my wife.  I initially felt like a divorce would "seal my doom", but I have changed my thinking a bit.  Maybe this adversity is like what Joseph had to go through.  Maybe my wife has to live as the prodigal son lived before returning.  As for the other part of my stand, I am like the man marooned on the islandwho had a fire destroy his means of survival  -  maybe a separation/divorce was the very means of delivery for ME - to bring ME closer to God, to listen to God's call, to change my old ways of living.


The end of their story brings joy to both Joseph and Jacob.  Joseph got his family back and Jacob got his most-loved son back.  Yes it took many years.  But they finally rejoiced together.  Is "standing" for our wives also like the story of the man who was on the deserted island?  Just as he thought things looked their bleakest, there was a sudden turnaround (both figuratively and literally)!  I would venture to guess that if you are reading this you have also made changes to bring yourself closer to God.  Maybe like me, this has been a means of delivery for you too - being delivered to Our Lord and used for His purposes.

Remain hopeful.  Be encouraged.  Yes, we mourn like Jacob, but he went on living.  Persevere through adversity as Joseph did.  It is my belief that a separation/divorce may just be the means of delivery of salvation for the standing husbands, for our wives, and for our families.  In that way we are instruments of God's salvation.

Reminding God of His Promises

I was recently searching the internet and came across several teachings about “reminding God of His promises”.  I was confused as I had never heard this before.  Remind God?  He didn’t forget His promises did He?  Certainly He did not.  His promises are backed by the honor of His name and the promises come to us under the new covenant.  When we remind God of His promises we are also reminding ourselves of His promises - it is not to try to manipulate God. When we see all of His promises it should be encouraging, even in standing for your marriage.

Here are a few of God’s promises to us.  Praying them will remind you of how much God must love us.

God, You said You are faithful to Your promises and they are my protection.  Psalm 91:4

God, You said “It is not good for a man to be alone.”  Genesis 2:18

God, You said “When a man leaves his parents he will cling to his wife and the two shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

God, You said “What God has joined, let man not separate.” Matthew 19:6

God, You said “I hate divorce. Malachi 2:16 (NLT)

God, You said Your plans are to prosper me, to give me hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

God, You said my prayer has great power and brings wonderful results.  James 5:16

God, You said if I don’t give up I will reap a harvest of blessing at the right time.  Galatians 6:9

God, You said no weapon brought against me shall prosper.  Isaiah 54:17

God, You said You are a very present help in times of trouble.  Psalm 46:1

God, You said Your word will not return to You void, it will accomplish all You want.  Isaiah 55:11

God, You said You would cause my enemies who rise up against me to be defeated – they shall come at me one way and flee seven different ways.  Deuteronomy 28:7

God, You said I am surrounded with Your favor as with a shield.  Psalm 5:12

God, You said I will soar and I will not grow weary.  Isaiah 40:31

God, You said You will sustain me, You will not let me fail.  Psalm 55:22

God, You said You will meet all of my needs.  Philippians 4:19

God, You said I will find You when I seek You.  Deuteronomy 4:29

God, You said when I run to You I will be safe.  Proverbs 18:10

God, You said You will direct my paths.  Proverbs 3:5,6

God, You said You will rescue me from every trap.  Psalm 91:3

God, You said because I make You my refuge, no harm or evil will come near my dwelling.  Psalm 91: 9,10

Courage & Strength

In the view of the world, when a wife decides to leave her husband, the husband should then: "move on", "find someone else", "give up on his wife", etc, etc. Thoughts or feelings that the husband should seek Our Lord for His divine intervention are rarely ever even considered. Never considered by anyone - not the family, friends, husband...certainly not the wife. It's just not the way the world does things. To ask Jesus for His divine assistance is going against the world.

So how do you go against the world? What do you need? From what I have learned during my time standing in the gap for my wife and praying for my wife's salvation, one needs courage and strength. But during the circumstances of being in a separation, or during a divorce, courage and strength can be hard to come by. At least hard to come by on your own.

You can get that needed courage and strength through God's word. Jesus depended upon the Word when He was faced with the devil's lies and temptations. So if Jesus relied on the Word, so should we. The Word of God is like a powerful sword we should be using to face the challenging circumstances we are going through.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.  Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:3-9

David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished. 1 Chronicles 28:20

There is very inspiring song by the Christian band Casting Crowns called "Courageous". The song is quickly becoming my anthem for being a better father, husband and spiritual leader to my family.  Here are a few of my favorite verses from that song – the lines in red just seemed to resonate with me about a call to stand for my marriage:

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"Courageous"

We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains

We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away

Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the lord

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall

We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of god arise

In the war of the mind I will make my stand (seek justice. love mercy. walk humbly with your God)
In the battle of the heart and the battle of the hand (seek justice. love mercy. walk humbly with your God)
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Men we have been called to  stand unafraid, to take back the fight, to refuse to let your wives and family fall.

Be a warrior for your marriage, family, wife.  Pray for strength and guidance.  Learn and depend on the Word.  Be courageous.

Blessings.

Lonely Times Away from Our Spouse - A Gift?

Oh when we are apart from our spouse the times can be very difficult.  Yes, we have our job, and possibly children and other responsibilities to occupy us.  But the thoughts of our spouse and family are never far away.  But then there are the times when we are really alone, just by ourselves.  Maybe it is the weekend and you are not working, or if you are dividing the children’s time with your spouse, maybe it is a time when they are with your spouse.  I have found that those are the most difficult times.  It is easy to see how one could become depressed. 

I have found that these times can be …

-         Lonely

-         Painful

-         Endless

-         Frightening

-         Frustrating

But you need to get rid of these worldly feelings.  These feelings can take over your entire day or existence.  You sit and think about how things are and wonder constantly how things could have gone so wrong.  Then, before you know it, the day is gone and you’ve just been consumed with these thoughts and feelings.  And, nothing has changed.  All of your circumstances are the same.  And you still feel horrible.

There is a better way.  You can remember that you have been given a difficult and very important assignment from God.  An assignment to fight for your spouse and marriage in the spiritual realm.  This is probably the first time you ever had to do anything like this.  I believe that the sooner you can transition into a spiritual mindset, and release yourself from drowning in the worldly feelings, the sooner you can really work on this assignment from God.

Instead of focusing on those worldly feelings, I try to shift to my focus to make these alone times…

·      Prayerful – prayer is so important.  It is our time to fellowship with Our Creator.  The scriptures instruct us to always pray and to have faith that our prayers are heard.

Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man. Luke 21: 36(NKJV)

And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and [really] believing, you will receive. Matthew 21: 22

Be earnest and unwearied and steadfast in your prayer [life], being [both] alert and intent in [your praying] with thanksgiving. Colossians 4: 2

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. Philippians 4: 6

The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer. Psalm 6: 9

·       Enlightening – gaining knowledge of God’s Word and becoming educated in the scriptures assists us in our assignment.  It starts, and ends, with regular study and reading of God’s Word and seeking Godly wisdom.

For the Lord gives skillful and godly Wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6

If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him. James 1: 5

With the aged [you say] is wisdom, and with length of days comes understanding. But [only] with [God] are [perfect] wisdom and might; He [alone] has [true] counsel and understanding. Job 12: 12-13

He who leans on, trusts in, and is confident of his own mind and heart is a [self-confident] fool, but he who walks in skillful and godly Wisdom shall be delivered. Proverbs 28: 26

Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. Proverbs 4: 7(NKJV)

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments (His decisions)! And how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways (His methods, His paths)! Romans 11: 33

·       Peaceful – Yes, these times can be peaceful and through Our Lord you can extinguish the worry and anxieties.  His Word tells us that we should not worry for that feeling is not from Him.  Trust in God brings peace.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. (John 14:27)

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me (Jesus). (John 14:1)

And my God will supply all your needs according to His Riches in Glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

·        Spirit-filled – being filled with the Holy Spirit is not something that is just for a select few, it is for all believers.  No conditions are placed upon this gift except faith in Christ.  Become filled with God’s Spirit through strengthening your faith.  Strengthen your faith is part of our assignment.

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. "  John 7: 37-39

In Him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in Him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of His glory. Ephesians 1:13-14

Yes the times we are alone are difficult.  But I believe, if you focus on the “unseen” you can see these times as a very special gift - a gift to help us become prayerful, educated in Godly wisdom, to experience God’s peace, and to become filled with God’s Spirit.  So maybe we should be thankful for these times when we are alone. Maybe it’s just part of our assignment.